


Pathological Story Telling

by Lune_Mish



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-07 00:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lune_Mish/pseuds/Lune_Mish
Summary: Alfred is a natural conversationalist that enjoys leaving behind stories of himself with every person he gets to know. Issue is some of the details may be exaggerated, factually incorrect, or up for interpretation. Yet Alfred himself believes every word to be true after years of altering his history. Cue an obstinate Brit, a chaotic gaming server, and a former flame to break him from a perpetual story telling cycle.





	1. The Fool

Alfred F. Jones spun stories as if they were going out of style.

He never knew when a thread would form or who it would connect him to.

It just happened whenever he opened his big goddamn mouth.

Creating a tangled mess on the outside and cob webs within.

* * *

  **Guardian Union #General**

**Aquil** _Today at 9:15am_

Hullo fellow heroes, demons, an cool wanderers of this earth ;3

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:01am_

Aww I made such an amazing arrival but no ones here to see it :(

Helllooooooooooo

Anyone in the Voiddddd

All by myselfffff dun want to be all by myselfff

well this sucks

Desperate times call for desperate measures owo

@Tea Fae @Tea Fae @Tea Fae @Tea Fae

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 10:05am_

Enough Twit

This better be important or so help me I may actually throttle you.

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:05am_

Geez someone woke up with their panties in a twist :P

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 10:06am_

Anyone would if they were forced to see this after pulling an all nighter.

Your use of emoticons is cancer.

Feel Bad.

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:08am_

UWU I was just OWO trying to say ;3 Hi! Didn't know cranky old people were allowed near vidya games

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 10:08am_

I'll have you know brat that I am a level 50 mage.

While you were busy learning how to walk I set hundreds of orcs on fire.

Fuck you.

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:09am_

O/O Wha but I only just met you oldie ... date number two better be at a cheesecake factory or we may have to break up

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 10:09am_

...

@Doitsu

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:10am_

OWO

 **Doitsu** _Today at 10:10am_

Mein Gott another one.

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:10am_

Hewwo?

 **Doitsu** _Today at 10:12am_

DON'T SPAM PICS

DON'T SET ANYTHING ON FIRE

AND DON'T PM TINDER PICS

ARE WE CLEAR

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:12am_

umm sure peachy +_+

 **Doitsu** _Today at 10:13am_

As Admin I welcome you to the unofficial discord server of Archana Online.

Normally I would educate you on the rules of this server, but I have work in two hours.

I will do it later bye.

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:15am_

Ummm thnx?

Sounds horrible T-T

 **Glaceon** _Today at 10:18am_

It is

Shhh you saw nothing

 **Aquil** _Today at 10:18am_

OWO !

* * *

Alfred sat back in his seat waiting for a response that never seemed to come.

He didn't expect much when first creating a new account for the server, but the responses given to him certainly piqued his interest. Especially that of the old guy calling himself tea something. Either the guy was some 12 year old attempting to pull off the stiff British man stereotype or he was an actual person who actually spoke like that in real life. Alfred didn't know which of these two options was more laugh worthy which made Tea an immediate target for any friendship attempts.

That is if he still had a chance. Alfred continued to read over his previous responses while chewing on his lower lip. His laptop screen giving him a sickly blue glow as his eyes pored over every tiny detail. The emoticons were meant to soften his words. His lack of punctuation a sign of carelessness. Some shortened words here and there made for easy friends. He knew this beforehand and now was his time to make sure he followed through.

If he made a mistake he would remedy it with a few clicks of his mouse.

If he came off too strong he would rein himself in.

He just found himself another audience and refused to lose them again.


	2. The Magician

Alfred's initial entry into Guardian Union was the start of many subsequent appearances occurring throughout the day. He checked the chat in the morning while still rubbing his sleep addled eyes. He checked the chat around noon as he shoveled food into his mouth much to the disgust of his friends. He checked the chat during his schedule granted interim between classes. Finally, ending the day with some homework and a late check in at midnight. Alfred knew that he was creating a routine with his new fixation, but he couldn't really help it. At least that was what he told himself every time he automatically checked a new notification from the chat. It was like his first day in the chat opened some sort of dam and now everything he wanted to say just kept flowing out.  

Words

Emojis

Memes

Videos

All those things kept spreading out from his occupied hands of their own accord. Alfred could admit that most of what he sent was dumb and meaningless without any sort of purpose. Yet he kept doing it since no one in the chat really seemed to fault him for it. He was always expecting a lash after every act of stupidity, but none ever came. Allowing him to sink into a agreeable mood over time as the chat wormed its way into his life. 

* * *

**Guardian Union #General**

**Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:29pm_

Doitsu! Doitsu! I managed to get the good iced tea today!!!

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:30pm_

Congrats. How long did you have to wait in line?

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:30pm_

Ve~ About an hour give or take.

There were so many people in line @-@

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:31pm_

...

Why would you wait that long for iced tea?

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:32pm_

Weeeellll I really wanted some iced tea after art class and there was this cute girl waiting right in front of me

So I started talking to her about cats and before i knew it the line was gone and I was at the front

There was an even cuter girl at the register and I notic

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:34pm_

Okay I get it I don't need an entire essay on this.

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:34pm_

Veee~ sorry I got carried away again.

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:35pm_

Ah you don't need to apologize.

I'm sorry for making you feel the need to.

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:35pm_

Nuuuuu I'm sorry for my extra long story

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:36pm_

Well still I am sor

 **Glaceon** _Today at 2:36pm_

I'm sorry for stumbling upon whatever this is.

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:37pm_

I'm sorry for having to see this

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:37pm_

Can all of you stop apologizing already. 

It's annoying to watch

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:37pm_

I'm sorry you lack an actual heart UwU

 **Glaceon** _Today at 2:38pm_

Press F to pay respects.

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 2:38pm_

F

 **Le Amor** _Today at 2:38pm_

F

 **Doitsu** _Today at 2:39pm_

Please stop.

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:39pm_

I hate you all.

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:40pm_

We love you too ;3

 **Le Amor** _Today at 2:40pm_

If this chat were any gayer it would be rainbow colored.

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:41pm_

I'll have you know i'm straight.

 **Glaceon** _Today at 2:41pm_

I just spit out my drink.

why.

 **Le Amor** _Today at 2:41pm_

Sure you are.

* * *

Alfred was getting some pretty weird looks after having done a comedy show style spit take with his bottle of water. It probably didn't help that he was laughing like a dying mule while clutching his chest. Raising his bottle of water once again. He successfully downed its contents and waited for his remaining laughter to die out. The chat group always made him laugh with their curious personalities and downright humorous banter. However, laughter as strong as this could only come from Tea Fae. The sarcastic old man that always dragged out the little brat within Alfred. Whenever Tea Fae participated in chat he couldn't resist showing up too and poking a bit at his sides. Making a few sarcastic jabs and cutesy nicknames along the way. Which was entirely the fault of Tea Fae for being such a great target. The oldie always gave the best reactions and fought back before mere jeering turned into something else. Allowing for Alfred to revel in his immaturity until the oldie quelled him with a biting remark or well placed strike. Creating a cycle between the two that kept Alfred coming. 

Some would call this a little masochistic.

Good thing Alfred tossed that word out of his life a while ago. 

Alfred and Tea Fae were the atypical rivals of the group and Alfred wouldn't want it any other way.

As for the rest of the group it took some time for Alfred to fall in step with them. Most already formed personal friendships over time like co workers would do in a company or high school students would do in detention. Which left Alfred feeling a little bit on the fringes when he first entered the scene. It took a month too long for Alfred to meet everyone and another month for Alfred to offer a detail on himself. A small piece of info detailing his average college day. 

Nevertheless he made it to the present and could now read most like an open book.

 **Doitsu**  is responsible and emotionally stunted 

 **Waaaluigi** is careless and intuitive 

 **Le Amor** is flirtatious and realiable

 **Glaceon** is sincere and shy

 **Sunflower** is frightening and kind

 **Mika-chan** is arrogant and intelligent 

 **Tomato** is cruel and reasonable

 **Tomatoe** is cheerful and pessimistic

Alfred could tick all of these people off like characters in a book and knew it was a matter of time until he could pick apart the rest. Heck he should include Tea Fea too in his mental list, but for some reason he didn't want to. He wanted Tea Fae to be more while still being the same guy he teased everyday.  

Tea Fea was a conundrum best left for last. 

* * *

**@Aquil**

**Tea Fae** _Today at 12:09am_

I was surprised you did not stick around to rib me today.

It was a welcome silence. 

Cat should have nipped your tongue a while ago.

You didn't miss much.

Things slowed.

Night idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaming Server people so far ...
> 
> Aquil - Alfred
> 
> Doitsu - Ludwig
> 
> Tea Fae - Arthur
> 
> Le Amor - Francis
> 
> Waaaluigi - Feliciano 
> 
> Glaceon - Kiku
> 
> Sunflower - Ivan
> 
> Mika-Chan - Wang 
> 
> Tomato - Lovino
> 
> Tomatoe - Antonio
> 
> More people to be revealed later.


	3. The High Priestess

** @Aquil **

**Tea Fae** _Today at 1:57am_  

I know you are around

It is common knowledge that college students do not sleep

 Especially American students that live off red bull

@Aquil

@Aquil

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:00am_

mmmmmmmmasdjdskalkjdsds

hngggggg

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:01am_

Sorry I refuse to speak mongrel

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:01am_

:(

It's too early for wordsssss

let my lizard brainssss speaksss

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:02am_

No

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:04am_

Fine :(:(:(:(

Dude why are you even texting me at 2 in the morning???

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:05am_

Boredom

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:05am_

So you ruined my beauty sleep 

cuz

you are

boredd

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:09am_

Please we both know sleep was not on your agenda

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:10am_

OwO

You got me so what did ya want to chat about

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:13am_

I did not have anything in mind

Think of something mouthy American

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:15am_

Oi I chat just like your average bear :(

Wait! How do you know i'm American!

Are ya spying on me OWO

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:15am_

You just confirmed it to me

Also all Americans have terrible typing and emotes like you

You people made an art form out of eye pain

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:16am_

ouch I stay up to entertain and you hit me in the feels

Bet ya can't hold a girlfriend due to the stick up your ass

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:17am_

I can twat

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:17am_

Anime girls and body pillows don't count

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:18am_

Sounds like you are projecting on me

not all of us are lucky

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:19am_

Right so a happy relationship with a cardboard cut out then

Congrats bro ;3

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:30am_

I have a boyfriend

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:31am_

You do

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:31am_

Yes

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:50am_

I have a boyfriend

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:51am_

You do

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:56am_

Yep :)

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:57am_

Want to share the names for the hell of it?

 **Aquil** _Today at 2:58am_

sure

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 2:58am_

Lukas

 **Aquil** _Today at 3:05am_

Gilbert

* * *

Alfred rubbed his eyes until they stung a bit from the abuse. His fingers felt laden with weight as sunlight reflected off his dusty, laptop screen. While his thoughts whirred in the tricky net of lethargy. Basically everything was sore, tired, and or unavailable at the moment. Human language past him. Bodily movement past him. Breathing still possible, but could stop at any moment. With a left foot in sleep and the right in encroaching responsibility Alfred knew that he fucked up. It just wasn't the best of ideas to pull an all nighter before an exam. Which is exactly what he did since he learned absolutely nothing from freshman year. He wanted to slap himself, groan, and cry at his stupidity but most of all he wanted to smile? Yep no sleep Alfred was a government secret that should stay under wraps.

 

"Alfred hurry up I don't want to be late again for class!" Matthew shouted from below the stairs."We only have 20 minutes left to make it!"

 

Alfred groaned and fell upon his laptop like a beached whale.

 

"Matt can't you just miss this one class?" Alfred tried to use the saddest tone he could muster. "Please for the brother that you love so much."

 

"I happen to actually like studio art so no."

 

Alfred could already picture the eye roll of his evil half-brother. 

 

"Hurry up before I find my hockey sticks and drag you out!"

 

Ah there was the threat that Alfred was expecting. With an even louder groan accompanied by a symphony of cracking bones he is up. Not for long, but he could wait until the test to get some sleep. In a dazed rush he barely acknowledges the act of brushing his teeth and almost falls down the stairs from the fifth step. Judging by a side glance he gets from Matthew his clothing choices aren't too rational either. But hey with a pat down of his hair followed by a snatch of the communal car keys he is out and ready to carpe diem the day. With enough false positive attitude to not feel deceased. He still felt the urge to smile. Tea Fae must have given him some sort of weird British disease through text chat. 

* * *

**Guardian Union #General **

**Tomato** _Today at 4:38pm_

if my professor is an hour late am I legally allowed to leave?

My back is sore dammit.

 **Tomatoe** _Today at 4:38pm_

Lovi hun did you check if your class was cancelled?

It's odd for a professor to be that late

 **Mika-Chan** _Today at 4:38pm_

Back in my day we would have left 30 minutes earlier.

 **Le Amor** _Today at 4:39pm_

Back in your day civilization still did not exist.

 **Mika-Chan** _Today at 4:40pm_

True but you don't have to say it.

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 4:41pm_

Mika you are only a year older than the Frog and I.

 **Le Amor** _Today at 4:41pm_

Another missed joke for Angleterre. 

I weep for him.

 **Aquil** _Today at 4:43pm_

The sky weeps for him.

 **Tomato** _Today at 4:44pm_

_@Tomatoe_

Of course I did bastard!

Who do you think I am?

My brother???

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 4:44pm_

Ouch Lovi right in my heart.

 **Doitsu** _Today at 4:45pm_

Tomato please stop being mean to Feli and check your class status.

 **Tomato** _Today at 4:46pm_

Chigii since when are you on first name basis with my little brother!!!

Potato Bastard!

 **Doitsu** _Today at 4:46pm_

.....

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 4:46pm_

Don't worry brother I call him by first name too.

 **Aquil** _Today at 4:46pm_

oooh I smell drama OWO

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 4:47pm_

All I see is your lack of maturity.

 **Tomatoe** _Today at 4:48pm_

Lovi bae please~

Check your class status~

 **Tomato** _Today at 4:48pm_

I told you bastard Spaniard I am not like Feli on this!

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 4:49pm_

He only made this mistake about 5 times.

 **Le Amor** _Today at 4:50pm_

Silly Angleterre.

It was 8 times already. 

**Mika-Chan**

11

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 4:50pm_

Nope you are all wrong~

Mio fratello has made this mistake 21 times. 

 **Tomato** _Today at 4:50pm_

Feli you are fucking dead later!!!

 **Tomatoe** _Today at 4:51pm_

Lovi whyyyyy T-T

 **Tea Fae** _Today at 4:51pm_

How are you still in college?

 **Le Amor** _Today at 4:51pm_

That is really sad.

 **Mika-chan** _Today at 4:51pm_

The west is a sad place. 

Press F to pay respects

 **Glaceon** _Today at 4:51pm_

 FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

 **Aquil** _Today at 4:51pm_

I am concern ;(

 **Sunflower** _Today at 4:51pm_

_(˵ ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆˵)_

**Waaaluigi** _Today at 4:51pm_

Doitsu you have to protect me!

 **Tomato** _Today at 4:52pm_

No point in running Feli ...

I have taken your kitties hostage!!!

Surrender!

 **Waaaluigi** _Today at 4:52pm_

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Doitsu** _Today at 4:52pm_

This is my life.

 **Glaceon** _Today at 4:53pm_

The words of a broken man 

* * *

 Alfred pondered something fierce after a stolen nap. 

 

Was Gilbert his boyfriend?

 

Was Gilbert even his best friend?

 

Why hasn't Gilbert texted him in a while?

 

Did Gilbert even think about him anymore?

 

He was so sure last night.

 

His eyes were stinging again. 

 

His stomach did terrible knots.

 

His urge to smile was long gone. 

 

He wondered when Tea Fae would contact him again.  

 


End file.
